No Woman Should Cry Again, Not The Way I Did — My Life as a Yemeni Woman
On International Women’s Day 2020, Manal, a humanitarian worker with Oxfam in Yemen, shared her personal story of surviving the past five years since the escalation of the war in Yemen.
A country in war is not a safe place for anyone, especially women — they are the most to suffer and the last to fall.
I still remember the amount of fear, oppression and humiliation that day brought. I cried so hard — I was terrified.
When war first escalated in 2015, I was living happily with my family in Taiz city. It saddens me how the city I loved, the city that holds all my memories since I was a child turned overnight into a ghost town full of death and fear.
Bombs fell everywhere
It all started with a bright blue spark that lit up the sky and invaded our houses and the rooms we hid in silently before we heard the crack. That was the first missile to hit nearby.
After that many bombs fell everywhere, we thought it could be our house any minute. We tried not to panic but panic was all we could feel.
I still remember that blue light like a nightmare I never imagined coming true and that I would have to live through with the ones I love.
The next day I went to a friend’s house to say goodbye. She was travelling abroad. We could hear tanks in the streets nearby, roads were blocked, and we were trapped inside her house, away from our families who kept calling to check if we were okay.
I won’t forget the terror in the children’s eyes, my friends’ brothers and sisters who were with us. I remember vividly the heavy sounds of gun fire and tanks screeching just a few kilometers away.
We were trapped for 3 days, inside the house, there was no one else with us, just women and children hiding across the stairs, away from windows. We managed to survive with the limited food available for us all.
“I cried so hard”
I still remember the amount of fear, oppression and humiliation that day brought. I cried so hard, I cried and cried, all along the way back. I was terrified!
That day was sadly just a warning of what was to come — the feelings of fear, paralysis and vulnerability.
And five years later, that feeling of being trapped is one I and other Yemeni women feel constantly.
What I and others do strive to do though, is to fight that feeling and do all that is in our power to lead, to help others, and to feel hope that this conflict will end, and our lives can return to normal.
Life on the move
As I have moved from place to place to seek shelter, I often took all my savings, my survival kit — this would support my large family.
Being on the move before I hadn’t received my salary. We would stay in family houses often too small for 30 people. Some family members left and joined the many displaced families who used schools as shelter.
At one point everything seemed calm and people started to feel safe until one day 6 missiles fired by jets from above hit a nearby mosque destroying it completely. Most of the injured were women and children.
While a close relative of mine was helping to rescue the injured women, another airstrike hit and took his life. We were so scared for the many whose lives were lost and in danger, we didn’t even find time to mourn him properly.
Seeking safety, dreaming for the future
We were just one family out of millions forced from our homes and all that ‘home’ means — family, memories, security, history, love.
And as Yemenis we have been forced to live in schools, tents, mosques or with other friends and relatives. And the vulnerability to experiencing violence, instability, and illness has increased.
They, and we, are farther from our support networks, are forced to walk long distances for things like water, food or other resources.
Life in displacement feels tenuous.
On the road to seek safety I would often close my eyes for a while and my memories started to play in my mind. For moments I would be back with my family, as we gathered every Friday at my grandfather’s house, eating lunch together and then singing and dancing until midnight with our neighbors.
I would remember how peaceful life was and how my friends and I were dreaming for the future.
My friends and I loved adventure, we occasionally camped in nearby villages and mountains. We enjoyed nature together in many beautiful places, while barbecuing, chatting and sharing our hopes and memories.
We used to meet every Thursday, we talked, watched a movie and listened to our favorite music under the moonlight shining directly towards the balcony of my friend’s room.
We still hope
All of that was a reality but it seems like a dream now. We still hope to go back home one day, where we belong and where our memories reside. It’s ironic how a single terrible memory of a blue light glow, can bring an end to my warm memories.
I now live with my mother, sister and two brothers. My father passed away over 15 years ago. I am the oldest and the only provider for my family. I love them, and I try to take care of their needs the best I can. They are my only support in this world and to them I am the same.
Through my work as humanitarian worker with Oxfam, it brings joy to my heart when I see how the aid we provide help people smile and bring them hope at a time of displacement and vulnerability.
I have witnessed and experienced a lot during these five years of war, and I’ve seen how hard it is for women to survive in such circumstances. Many women now are the sole caretakers and earners in their families, which is a huge burden to bear. Job opportunities become more scarce, prices for every day necessities rise, all while social restrictions on women remain suffocating.
When you are a woman in a country like Yemen, war becomes personal every day. The struggle to survive gets harder every day, especially for the many women who were forced to depend on men all their lives without proper education or skills to fall back on.
Yemeni women rising
This International Women’s Day I am sharing my story — just one of countless women who deserve more than just a day of recognition.
Women across Yemen are rising every day, doing all they can in difficult conditions to protect their families and their communities. I am one of the lucky ones with an education and good job that fills me with pride.
Worst-case scenarios for women and girls after five years of war in Yemen often includes surviving sexual violence, malnutrition, abuse, early marriage and sometimes, an early death.
Women of Yemen had no hand in this war. All decisions were and are still taken by men. Violence is being perpetrated by men.
Women have the strength to act together — to step out of the crowded rooms where we feel vulnerable and paralyzed, to lead our families, communities and country.
For IWD2020, and for all days going forward, I call for women to have an equal voice in ending this war and paving the way for a peaceful future for Yemen.
Written by Manal, humanitarian worker with Oxfam in Yemen, for International Women’s Day, 8 March 2020.
